Sadness

Do you ever find yourself in a strange obsessive-compulsive state when upset? Tonight I found myself standing over the produce section trying to find the perfect blood orange, the perfect bosc pear, and trying to decide what varieties of apples to buy...

***

Work has been intensely busy, so there's little time to reflect during the day. Today someone whispered something in my ear - a message to be discussed downstairs. It was horrible, horrible news.

Up until ten months ago I had the most wonderful work mentor. We almost always shared the same philosophy and goals to serve. Working side-by-side on multiple projects, we never grew tired of each others' company. I always knew that I was lucky to have him help guide my career. He was certainly more disciplined than myself when it came to exercise and diet -- and I always aspired (I still aspire) to reach his level of devotion to health.

I was upset, yet happy to see him leave the workplace when he decided it was time to retire. He's been on my mind recently because we both just celebrated birthdays - and the candles from the cake I made last week were from his retirement party.

Ten months after that party he is now resting in a hospital just blocks from his former work space to mitigate severe pain. A hospital, I hear, who does not have fruit that lives up to his standards. He has an aggressive form of cancer. The tumor in his brain grew exponentially in the last two weeks and he's started to lose vision in one eye. Today was his first day of radiation therapy-- it's just too dangerous to surgically remove the mass.

We're going to have lunch together tomorrow. So, this evening I found myself looking for the perfect gala apple and perfect asian pear...